can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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