I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
