that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
