I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
areolas are like halos for boobs.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
