I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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