so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
