Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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