She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize