I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
