omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
