I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
