she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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