if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
