halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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