someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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