I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
