Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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