I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize