So drunk its hurt
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Someone signed my nipple.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
