I cut my penus on the lid.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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