im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
