two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
