I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
