There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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