You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
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