i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
