I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
