Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
