i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
