can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We're too hungover to prance.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
