I need to stop coming to work sober
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
