did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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