My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
