He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
