I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My balls are so social today.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
