Im at strip club and am horny
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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