Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
