We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
