somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
