in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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