You really coming over, don't trick.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize