Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
