After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
