Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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