i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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