The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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