Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
