I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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