Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
