I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
