There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize