Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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