After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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