I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
