Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
