sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
