i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
