i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
