my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
