The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
