addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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