Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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