Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
