Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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