Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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