I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize