oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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