I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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