I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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