TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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