judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
