If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
